I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
