I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
