im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
