paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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