Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
