hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
