dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
