oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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