Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
