What a fucking waste of an outfit
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
