I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
