that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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