talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
