Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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