**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm too high and old for this...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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