My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i think i just lost a toe
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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