Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
