i'm lost and i look like a hooker
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
