My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
