You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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