i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
