Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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