I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
