did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
