Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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