he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
