Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
