dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
