I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
