I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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