Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
