worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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