and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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