Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
