Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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