My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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