So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
