It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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