In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
NoShamevember. You game?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
