Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
