me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
