Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
