too bad you live with your parents still
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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