I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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