some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
