dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
