The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
