hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
