my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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