it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
that may or may not have been my penis.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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