mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
