I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
