listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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