everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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