how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
