Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
