just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
